Preliminaries (Installment Two)

[transcript of a voicemail left on my phone at 4:56 AM EDT]

-Why do you get to hold the phone?

-It's my effing phone, Martha. Shut the eff up.

-Great, Gus; now she's going to love us. Be a real man and use the word, not the letter if you're going to pretend to be vulgar.

-Get off me! You're fogging up my glasses.

-Mom? Mom! Are you there?

-Here Ben, you talk to her while I try to extract myself from my Suction Cup Garfield of a sister.

-Yeah, Gus. Mom! We got your letter! Well, more like we watched you type it. It's so great to hear your voice! Or at least feel your thoughts directed at us for the first time. It's too bad you've got so much work on your plate right now--it's pretty cramped up here, if you can't tell. Gus and Martha aren't really getting along. But you don't know them yet, and I want don't want to ruin the surprise.

You were nearly spot on about everything else. I guess you haven't quite nailed down Tess, which is okay. She's sleeping right now, otherwise she'd want to talk to you, assure you that she's not hurt or anything and that she's doing her best to speak up, but I guess Gus and I kind of do monopolize your attention. It's just how we're made, I guess. Oh wait! But it's not your fault! Shoot...

-Mom? Mom, can you tell Gus and Martha to stop putting super glue on each other's toothbrushes? They got mine last night and I almost used it before I noticed the hairs sticking to it.

-Introduce yourself, Avis.

-I'm Avis mom. I'm younger than Ben and Tess and I keep my toothbrush in the same cup as Gus, so...

-She doesn't want to hear about it, Avis.

-We don't have that much longer, Mom. We just wanted to call and say hello, introduce ourselves. It's great to hear you know we exist. But keep your ear to the grindstone--

-Wrong appendage...

-Nose. Right. Anyway, keep up your work until we get there, okay? Don't want you to flounder and have to drop us before you get to pick us up. Can't wait to see where you take us!

-Love you!

-Love you Mom!

-Love you! I'm excited!

-Can you buy me a new toothbrush?

-Avis!

-I mean, love you!